Welcome to my swamp
by kitcatwriter728
Summary: Shrek x Max. This is a joke
1. Chapter 1

Max couldn't sleep. He sat up in bed, tossing and turning. Turns out it was a bad idea to drink coffee this late at night. Max decided to go on the late night walk to burn off some energy and sit by the lake. He left his tent, hoping that Neil didn't hear him and made his way to the boardwalk.

He sat down on the pier and started to relax until he heard footsteps coming closer. And closer. Frightened, he turned around and saw a big green ogre behind him. Max screamed, paralyzed with fear.

"Woah there little donkey, calm down." The ogre said in a Scottish accent.

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" Max screamed.

"My name is Shrek. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come to my swamp."

Max was beyond confused. He wanted to try and run back to his tent but the Shrek was so large he blocked the whole

way. Max looked up, his green eyes meeting the ogres.

"Why would I come with you?"

"Because," Shrek began, "You looked lonely by yourself. Let me show you my swamp."

Reluctantly, Max agreed to go with him. Maybe if he went once Shrek would leave him alone once again.

Shrek took Max into his big ogre arms and carried him away.

Once they arrived at the swamp Max was completely in awe. It was the best swamp he had ever seen! So lush and

green, everything about it was perfect.

"Holy shit Shrek, this is amazing!"

"I knew you would like it, wee donkey."

Max noticed the Shrek looked upset.

"Hey Shrek, what the fuck's wrong with you?"

"Well donkey you see, Ogres are like onions. We have layers. But not everyone knows this. I'm so happy you came to my swamp."

(time skip)

It was morning now, and after an eventful night Max headed towards to mess hall for breakfast. He sat down next to Neil and they exchanged looks.

"Where were you this morning? I didn't see you in the tent."

Max blushed. How could he tell Neil about the dashing ogre man who he had spent the night with?

TO BE CONTINUED

or not

(this is a joke fic)


	2. Chapter 2

I dont know why im writing this stupid fic but here ya go owo

(friendly reminder that this is a joke)

Max decided it was best to ignore Neil's question as he continued to eat the mashed potatoes Quartermaster had made for breakfast because QM was a fucking idiot and didn't know how to make anything else and Max was honestly a little nutritionally deprived at this point but that has nothing to do with the story so whatever.

Anyway, Max couldn't get his mind off of Shrek. His beautiful green skin and his charming scottish accent were to die for. Neil noticed Max zoning off again and became worried because usually Max never smiled. And it wasn't just any smile, it was an actual genuine smile.

"Max seriously you are scaring me. What's going on? Are you sick or something?"

"Lovesick…" Max quietly whispered.

"What?" Neil said back. Max didn't answer.

For the rest of the day Max couldn't stop thinking about Shrek. As the days activities went on Max participated less than usual but it didn't really capture anyone's attention as they were used to Max not giving a fuck. It wasn't until lunch that Nikki and Neil started to have a panic attack together.

"WHY IS HE NOT TALKING?!" They both screamed in unison. Max didn't even bother to listen as his mind was already filled with visions of a handsome ogre.

"Maybe he is actually sick," Neil began. We should take him to see David and Gwen."

Srry that was short, it's just that this whole fic is cursed


	3. Chapter 3

Nikki and Niel bruted into the consulars cabin like NIel's dad into Candy on parents day.

They stopped when they realized that Max was gone even though he was behind them a second ago.

Max had managed to sneak away from his friends and was now at the dock watching the sun set over the lake. Max knew that he had been different lately but he couldn't help it. SHrek was just too good looking.

Nerris saw that Max was alone and walked over to him confused.

"Max where are Niel and Nikki?"

Maxed looked up at her.

.

"They were being assholes," Max said. "I don't want to talk to them right now."

Max realized that maybe Nerris would understand what was happening because she was into fantasy creatures and stuff.

"Hey Nerris, can I tell you something?"

"Sure Max!"

"Okay this might sound really fucking weird but yesterday I met an ogre and we became really good friends."

"Like a real-life actual ogre?" Nerris questioned. Max nodded yes and Nerris jumped with excitement.

"Wow Max that's amazing! Can i see him?"

"Sure we just have to wait right here. I told him I'd come back the other night."

And they both waited.

WHY THE FUCK AM I WRITING THIS


End file.
